Why are children afraid to go to the toilet?

When we are children we tend to fear many things, and as adults, there are several of these fears that we forget, that we overcome but that we remember again when our children show any of them, from the fear of the dark to the fear of going to the toilet.

This is one of the phobias that most infants have and is often associated with the act of 'pooping'. First we must remember that this is one of the most important evolutionary processes in a child's life and we must do everything in our power to ensure that the experience is not traumatic, but that it passes as just another stage.

Providing confidence, security and reassurance to our little one when it is time to go to the toilet is key and not reprimanding them too much when they make a mistake, don't tell us or 'wet themselves' is one of the main challenges we have as parents.

This fear emerges strongly between the ages of two and four, as we begin to train our little one to use the toilet to remove the nappy. But it can reappear at other times, in childhood or even in adolescence due to some upset, confusing or painful event in our child's life, the loss of a loved one, bullying at school, among others, are some of the reasons that could cause this phobia to reappear.

This fear, if maintained over time, can lead to other complications ranging from constipation to functional megacolon.

How do I know if my child suffers from this fear, and is he or she making a vicious circle around this fear?

The first thing to do is to observe your child's toilet routine, note any changes in their behaviour and note how often they usually go versus what they present with now. Normally children choose not to tell you in time or not to go to the toilet when it is time because they do not want to interrupt what they are doing, because they do not feel comfortable going to unfamiliar toilets or because it is difficult for them to evacuate, either because they do not consume much fibre, because they suffer from nervousness, because of excessive scruples or disgust at faeces, or because they are embarrassed.

 

When this happens, the process begins to be delayed, the stool hardens in the colon, it becomes more painful to go to the toilet and the child insists on avoiding it even more for fear of pain, bleeding or discomfort.

 

This vicious cycle can be exacerbated by parents' insistence on putting pressure on going to the toilet, so here are some tips to make it less stressful for parents and children.

 

If we already observe the presence of the phobia, we must remember that it is natural and normal in our child's development and that it is our role to take them by the hand so that they stop associating going to the toilet with something traumatic. We must stop bringing up the subject constantly so as not to add to the pressure.

At the same time, we have to show understanding and empathy, talk about how natural it is to go to the toilet, how healthy and necessary it is to be well. At this point we can make use of stories and children's books that deal with this situation in a way that is closer to our children's mentality.

Perhaps the fear is associated with changing nappies and the scolding they may receive if they stain or soil themselves for not telling, so although it is essential to remind them of certain hygiene rules, the reward-punishment scheme is not recommended in this case, as it will generate greater stress in the child and they may repress themselves in order to prevent the 'dirty' from showing itself.

If they do not go to the toilet because of constipation and this causes pain, it is preferable to talk to the doctor to evaluate their diet, increase the intake of fibre and water, include some sport or light exercise to help the mobility of the intestines or even give them a laxative if the specialist prescribes it.

Finally, if everything is difficult, we cannot rule out a conversation with a child psychologist for guidance, involving our child in the solution to the problem.